From the other side of Australia

Maya: Mum, I think I'm getting that sinus thing again?

Me: Ok, have you used your nasal spray?

Maya: No

Me: Maybe you should get your dad to take you to the doctor.

Maya: Yeah maybe. Also I'm getting pains in my chest.

Me: I'm sorry honey. It's probably nothing serious. Maybe you should get your dad to take you to the doctor.

Maya: Ok, but I think I'm getting that sinus thing again. I feel the same as I did last time I got it.

Me: Ok honey, there's not a lot I can do from here, 10 000 miles away. Maybe you should get your dad to take you to the doctor and go and get a nasal spray to clean out your sinuses.

Sick

Last night Henry vomitted for the first time in two years. He then vomitted every half hour on the dot from 10PM last night until 7AM this morning. But because he hadn't been sick in so long he was a little scared and didn't know what had happened. When he woke to find himself covered in it he started to whimper and said:

"Mum, I think something's hurt my feelings everywhere"

Yes she did

Me: Mum... L and S and I were wondering if you ever acted like us when you were our age?

Mum: What do you mean?

Me: Well did you ever talk about playing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead at anyone's funeral?

Mum: No. I didn't have any sisters to talk about that with.

Me: Oh of course. L reckons you said the "F" word in 1988 when the xmas tree fell on her.

Mum: (with a look of disgust) Well, I can tell you that would have been the one and only time.

Me: That's what I thought.

Quality

Me (hunched over computer) to Sister #1 (hunched over another computer): It's so nice to spend some quality time with you

Sister #1: Yeah I was just thinking that. Oh shit! Dammit you made me miss that clue. I nearly had that puzzle solved.

Devotion

This poor puppy was one of twelve born to my nephew's Border Collie. Two died and this one, well she's "retarded" according to my niece. Apparently her mother doesn't want her and so she tried to drown herself in the dam. Fortunately she was rescued just in time and will now spend her life in foster care.




Henry is blindly devoted to his cousin Sam. Anything Sam does Henry will try to do exactly the same way. The two of them were yesterday racing each other at the Toowoomba Hockey Fields where we had gone to watch my niece play.



Note that look of pure admiration coming from Henry. In his eyes, Sam could never do a thing wrong.




And this is my sister and her husband supporting two children that don't belong to them. Well at least not for now.

Ladies and Mothers

While making seafood chowder.

Sister #3: Do you think about Mum when she was our age and wonder if she acted like this?

Me: Yeah but she probably didn't. She was too much of a lady.

Sister #1: Of course she didn't act like us, don't be so stupid.

Sister #3: I think she did, I even think she said "fuck" once but she and her friends probably never joked about their husbands.

Ding Dong

Sister #3 to Sister #1: You're going the wrong way. And why are you walking so fast? Are you embarrassed by us?

Sister #1: I just forgot where we parked the car and I'm just hoping that if we get hit by a car in the car park, I'll die first.

Sister #3: Yeah, I'd probably come to your funeral.

Sister #1: Well, that's why I want to die first, so I won't have to come to your funeral.

Me: But we'll be playing Ding Dong the Witch is dead as her theme song. That'd be worth seeing wouldn't it?

Sister #1: You're probably right, here (pushing Sister #3 forwards) you go in front of me.

Hero Worship

It's kind of interesting how most kids stories feature an antagonist who is always in in battle with the protagonist. Does this mean we are setting our kids up to believe that they will have to go into battle almost every day of their lives? Even Lazy Town, a show designed to teach children the importance of healthy eating and exercise has an evil villain who is always trying to stop Sporticus from his plan to save children everywhere.

Do our children realise that the villain is only imaginary and put there to emphasise the goodness of the hero or are they going to believe they need to be on their guard all the time because everywhere they go they will have to fight evil villains? Maybe these shows are just teaching them how not to give in to temptation.

Maybe someone should come up with one that shows a woman as the hero who is constantly having to win battles against husbands, unfair bosses and evil teenagers.

Ugly Lollipop

Henry: Mum, it looks like I'm all ugly (opens mouth as wide as possible while squiting and looking sideways)

Me: Why?

Henry: Because I haven't had a lollipop.

Me: (silence)

Henry: Muuuuummmm, I haaaavent' haaaad one. You know!

Articulate Your Bus

I took Henry to the museum today to see what was hailed as the spectacular dinosaur adventure for kids. Really it was just a couple of tables full of hundres of photocopied colour-in pictures of dinosaurs and a small sandpit with some bits of concrete disguised as dinosaur fossils. Henry and Gabe, his friend we met up with, thought the scissors provided for cutting were pretty cool for all of about two minutes. If we had only gone to see that I would have been bitterly disappointed because there was a lot of jostling of other parents and small children just to get to the scissors and colouring pictures.

We decided to hotfoot it to the dinosaur garden to eat lunch instead. After that we said goodbye to our companions and Henry and I headed back in to the museum to really check it out. I really didn't think Henry would be all that interested because he's usually not unless there are pigeons to chase and rocks to climb on. He was so fascinated he didn't want to leave. We were there for over three hours. He wanted to touch everything that could be touched and look at everything that could be looked at and then pretend he was Diego at the stuffed animal exhibit. My back started to hurt and the only way to get him to leave was to bribe him with a bus ride home and a milkshake on the way.

Before getting on the bus we relaxed for a bit at a cafe and drank our milkshakes. While there he told me his favourite part of the day was seeing the stuffed animals but he would probably "really like" the bus ride too. He did really like the bus ride. So much so that he pressed the buzzer several times which elicited some very snide expressions from the driver. Fortunately Henry was able to put a smile back on the driver's face when we exited by informing the bus driver that he wasn't driving an articulated bus!

Grappino

If you've got nothing else to do some time go and eat great food, enjoy service like you haven't experienced in a long time and soak in the ambience here.

Grappino in Paddington. Totally worth it even if just for the free perfume in the ladies rooms.

Double Wednesday

Henry: Mum, ask me who I played with today.

Me: Who did you play with today?

Henry: Not Sira

Me: Was Sira not there today?

Henry: No, he only comes on Thursday and Wednesday and Friday and Wednesday at 24 50 100 o'clock.

Me: So who did you play with then?

Henry: Jacob, but he's not my friend and he has white hair.

After talking about my youth

Henry: When I was sister's age I lost my age

Me: Well you would have if you had ever been her age yet

Henry: I was her age yesterday

Because I was later than usual to pick him up

Henry: Mum, where have you been, I've been worried about you!

Me: I know, I'm so sorry I'm late

Henry: Ok, but don't ever do that again.

While Watching Charlotte's Web

Henry: Mum, that cow farted (hysterical laughter)! I can fart like that.

Me: I bet you can.

Henry: Yeah, watch

(This was followed by a look of concentration with his butt pointing northwards. Unfortunately no fart came)

Henry: Oh, there's none coming. Play that bit again...

Bug Me

Yesterday Henry and I gardened for a few hours. He was very helpful and pulled the weeds that were growing between the pavers. He was happily doing this and chatting away the whole time about bugs and trees when suddenly I heard an almightly shriek come from him...not just once but twice. I immediately threw down the clippers I had in my hand and ran to him. By the time I got to him he had rivers of tears streaming down his cheeks and a look of fright like I'd never seen before. He was holding his pinky finger out to me and in between heaving sobs tried to tell me what happened. I checked his outstretched finger for signs of snake or spider bite but could find nothing. Maya and her friend stuck their heads out of the window to see what the commotion was about and apparently they could tell straight away that nothing much had happened so laughed heartily at Henry's distress further fuelling the sobbing. I held him tight until he had calmed down enough to tell me what was wrong. It turns out a bug had landed on his little fnger.

He looked up at me with red rimmed eyes and said "Mum, a bug just came and landed on my finger and it had a really big body and wings and two legs. I thought it was going to eat me". I of course assured him that it was probably unlikely to happen and when he felt satisfied he turned and went straight back to his weeding singing merrily about helping with the garden.

The Shut Up Bears

When we read books to Henry it's got to be read in just the right way and with just the right inflections. If you read something one way the first time that book will have to be read that same way each and every time it's read to him from then on. He gets irate if someone new reads the same book and can't get what he's telling them about how it should be read. We have a book called the Jolly Christmas Postman. He delivers Christmas messages of some sort or another to all the characters of popular nursery rhymes. The Three Bears get a card and on that card is a crude drawing of their mother serving them their pudding. Each bear says the usual "Who's been eating my pudding" and their mother replies with something that she doesn't say at all in the original nursery rhyme. The following is Henry's rendition of how that little cartoon goes.

Bear 1: Who's been eating my pudding

Bear 2: Who's been eating my pudding

Bear 3: Who's been eating my pudding

Mama Bear: Shut up you soft bears, I haven't deserved it yet.

What Mama bear actually says is "shut up you soft bears, I haven't served it yet" but Henry won't hear a bar of that. According to him she definitely says "deserved it yet". If I try to correct him he gets angry. I'd give in if I had ever actually read him the original Goldilocks and the Three Bears but as far as I know he's never heard it in all his 4 years. I'm sure he would be most upset to learn that Mama Bear says nothing even near as rude as shut up.

Shame, she should have her mouth washed out with soap for being such a bad Mama and teaching her children such bad language.

The Snapper

I don't know what it is about Irish books that I love so much but I sometimes wonder if I'm a bit like Jeremy Irons who felt so strong about one particular part of Ireland that he went in search of why. Turns out his ancestors originated only about 5 miles from where he chose to live for the rest of his days.

Perhaps it's because they are able to maintain a sense of humour in the face of adversity. I'm currently reading Roddy Doyle's The Snapper. While the plot is fairly serious - a young girl (Sharon) gets raped by her friend's father and falls pregnant - the way she, her family and friends deal with it is so funny I find myself laughing out loud at almost every sentence. The dialogue is pure Irish and Sharon's father, though seemingly a simple character, is protective of his family and his daughter's name. He doesn't know the details of his daughter's pregnancy as she won't reveal them. She was so drunk when it happened that she felt she must have been to blame. I can't believe a man is able to so intimately describe pregnancy and the thoughts that go through a young woman's mind.

I am only half way through this book but already I don't want it to end. I want to meet the Irish family Roddy Doyle has created. Lucky for me it's part two of a trilogy so all I need to do now is track down the other two books. I never go in search of books usually because I just borrow them from family and friends as I walk past their bookshelves. Recently my sister cleaned out her library and threw a few hundred my way so I've got a few to get through but after that Roddy's other books are the firt on my list of must haves.

Oh and The Snapper has been made into a movie so I at least get to hear that dialogue with an Irish accent.

Someone Come and Save My Life

This is my very talented daughter playing guitar to a City and Colour song but there's a little trick to this video. See if you can pick it up...pay attention towards the end.

It will feel so good

So I now have an appointment with a neurosurgeon next week. I've done a lot of reading and I don't hold out much hope that any kind of surgery is actually guaranteed to give me any relief or make much difference but it does feel nice to know that there's a reason behind the pain and the constant need to use a toilet that has driven me nuts for years.

I am very much looking forward to taking the results to the urologist however. I'm hoping it might humble him a little but I'm suspecting it won't. It makes me wonder how many other patients he gets paid to see but does nothing for.

The most important indicator was not so much the need to pee constantly but the fact that my bladder would never empty which of course caused the need to pee again shortly after. That's the tell tale sign and one the urologist would not believe was causing my frustration. He even had me admitted to hospital over night so he could have the nurses monitor me when I urinated and then measure how much was left in my bladder. The amounts were significant but he believed they were unimportant and that I wasn't trying hard enough.

Physio and bladder retraining for overactive bladder requires the patient to do things such as "double void" - essentially sit down, pee, get up and then sit down and pee again; holding on by sitting down and waiting till the need to pee urgently passes; measuring how much you pee when you do; and exercising using all kinds of strange looking devices. It's not fun and not in anyway attractive. I did these things for years but none of them made a scrap of difference and my problems became worse despite the physio and the meds but the uro believed I couldn't possibly be telling him the truth about it.

I once, in frustration, said to him, "you're a man and I assume you have a normal bladder function, I know that I am just one of many patients but I am trying to tell you how it is for me so please listen". He gave me some smirk and told me again that there is no way what I'm telling him could be true.

So I will have my last appointment with him in a couple of weeks and I will be so pleased to politely show him the results and then politely tell him I won't be returning to see him.

A move in the right direction

I decided to post this here because I thoght it might be useful to share my story with others who have for years been suffering the same thing as me but had no idea why. I'll start from the beginning because that's where it always starts.

Since I was a kid I've had troubles with my bladder function. I "always" had to go and when I did, I had to go immediately or there would be trouble. I guess it drove the rest of my family nuts. Long car drives made me nervous because I knew I'd have to stop frequently and that was always going to make the driver (usually my father) mad. I wet the bed until I was about 9 - that drive my mother mad. I think I heard the words "can't you just hold on" more times than I heard anything else.

I recall my mother taking me to the GP back when I was young. His solution back then was to restrict fluids after a certain time of day. That was the only answer they had and of course it didn't work.

As I entered adult hood it started to really drive me nuts. Going to the pub for a few drinks with friends was often embarrassing because I'd have to rush off to pee every few minutes. They noticed and would say "but didn't you just go?". Sometimes I'd make up excuses and say that I wanted to go wash my hands or something because I didn't want them to know I had to pee - again!

Many doctors just told me to do more pelvic floor exercises. That would be the answer.

After giving birth to Maya at about age 24 I decided that I had had enough. It was starting to affect my life in too many ways. At that time we lived 45 minutes from town and I couldn't make the trip without having to stop several times to pee. I moved to the city and it was then I decided to seek real help. I saw a lovely GP - an elderly man who was gentle and kind and the first one to really listen to what I had to say. He told me what I was experiencing was not normal, especially since it had been going on since childhood. He prescribed a mild anti-depressant type drug designed to stop the bladder muscle from over reacting all the time. It didn't work. He then referred me to a urologist who ordered a battery of uncomfortable urodymanic tests. They didn't really find any dysfunction but said it was overactive bladder anyway. I think it made them feel better. I was referred to a physiotherapist for treatment and a bladder retraining program. It didn't help.

A few more years went by and it progressively got worse so I on advice from a friend nurse who worked at a women's health network I sought a referral to another urologist who is a supposed "guru" in urogynaecology. She told me to beware though because a lot of women found him frightfully attractive. I found him frightfully arrogant, even at my first appointment. He sat across from me, yawned, placed his hands behind his head and said "so why do you go to the toilet so often?". I told him that I hoped he could tell me that as he was the specialist after all. He of course told me I was over-exaggerating my problems and referred me to another physiotherapist.


I tried it but it didn't help. I stopped going. I then gave birth to Henry, his birth was long and tiring. My bladder function didnt' really change but I was left with other issues so again asked my GP for a referral to a specialist for those. She referred me to the same urogaenacologist. I didn't hold out much hope but as he was supposedly the "guru" I decided to go along with it. His registrar, a young female, told me I should have surgery as soon as possible because it must be horrible for my husband to put up with. Of course I told her my husband and his sex life were the least of my concerns. It was my body we were talking about and I would have to think long and hard before having any surgery which had a lot of complications but was essentially cosmetic. I've never had the surgery but eventually she left and I continued to keep my appointments with the "guru" about my bladder issues. He wanted me to try more physio, more drugs designed to control overactive bladder but which had horrid side effects.

So after years of seeing him I was no closer to a solution. At my last visit, just over a month ago, he told me that my problems were basically my imagination and that normally someone with my issues would have a nuerological disorder and it was pretty obvious to him that I didn't have one of those. He asked me to trial another drug and stop all caffeine and alcohol for a month because that was his final miracle cure.

As the drugs he wanted me to try were $50 a month I decided to check them out thoroughly before trying them. After reading all about their side effects I decided against it.

Now it so happens that in my new job I work with a paediatrician. I happened to be bitching about the urogaenacologist I've been seeing to another work colleague and she overheard me. She asked me to tell her about my problems. When I had finished she asked me if I'd ever had a spinal MRI because children with my symptoms would normally have a defect. Of course I had not. She wrote me a referral, just to rule out any neurological defects.

I had that MRI last week and the results explain my lifetime of bladder function issues. It also explains the sciatic pain and tingling through my legs and feet.

I have a tethered spinal cord, a Tarlov cyst and a spinal lipoma. All of these things individually cause, among other things, bladder and bowel dysfunction. Together they cause many issues. This would also explain the pain in my lower back/tail bone area, the sciatic pain I've suffered with for years and the tingling/numbness I often feel in my legs and feet. I always believed these other symptoms to be merely an effect of ageing and childbirth and bending and just plain living.

Mor to come...but until then, don't ignore your child's toilet issues if you feel they'r serious.