Relief from the heat

Cool Man!

I so wish I was still young enough and small enough to zoom around the yard half naked and drink from the hose and laugh when it shoots up my nose. Maybe if we lived without neighbours I would consider it. It's been a tad hot here lately. We took a walk to the shop just this morning with Bella in tow and I thought we might all be melted like some squeezy cheese before we got home. I must make a memo to myself never to try that again. Taking a walk with Henry and another small child to the shop. What a nightmare. Not only was it HOT it was painful and not because my shoes are a size too small. The getting there part was fine except when Bella wanted to push the pram and kept steering it into the gutter and nearly hurling Henry over the front bar. The actual shopping part was a nightmare. Bella insisted on walking in front of the pram in the supermarket and they only make those aisles wide enough to fit a size 6 supermodel so the pram wheels kept knocking the cans of spaghetti from the shelves and Henry's arms grabbed anything they could reach. I got to the check out and loaded the goods on the counter top, at least I attempted to. They kept falling off. As I picked them up Henry would reach up and throw some things back down. AAaaaarrrrrghhghghg!!!! A dear elderly member of our community couldn't squeeze her walking aide past us so she just proceeded to bash the backs of my feet with it until I moved. I mentioned to her that all she needed to do was ask me kindly to move aside and I would have been happy to. This elicited a politish grunt.

The nightmare of shopping with children! I know a lot of you have been eager to her the latest news related to my newly acquired charge of "taking away shop goods". It was while shopping with Henry that I was handed this. It was also, in part, Carla's fault as I was shopping for morning tea for my visit with her too. Sorry Carla. That's not really true I know. It is all my own fault. Anyway this was very embarrassing for me for some time, now I just think it's stupid and pathetic and a waste of time and has the potential to ruin my future employment prospects or visits to the States.

I accidentally walked out of major department store, Myareyouahoplifter (names changed to protect the idiots), and into another major department store, Targetcha with $4.40 (this price has changed officially in all documentation from $3.50 to $3.95 to $4.40 - sometimes even referred to as being $11.95 - who knows what it's really worth but I'll go for $4.40 as that's what the court brief says) worth of baby swimming pants hanging on the side of the pram. I hung them there while browsing, promptly forgot they were there and walked out. Anyway maybe they may have stayed there unnoticed by anyone if I hadn't gone to Targetcha. The "doorgreeter" (official court brief title) asked me if I had a recipt for the enormous box of nappies I had been lugging around with me before I entered her store. When I moved the nappies to find it, I noticed the swimmers hanging there. I said a swear word and told her I'd just walked out of Myareyouashoflifter with them and better take them back. She offered to but I wanted them but also wanted to get out of there. I hate shopping. So I went into Targetcha with them on my stroller and bought something and left fully intending to go back to Myareyouashoplifter but forgot after I bought some donuts for morning tea and went to the car to leave. When I got to the car I saw them again and intended to go back and pay for them but didn't get a chance. The lovely doorgreeter from Targetcha had nothing better to do but follow me around to make sure I didn't get away with $4.40 worth of baby swimming pants that weren't even from her store. She took them and then a lovely female police officer came and took me to her office and charged me because Myareyouashoplifter wanted her to. Anyway I asked to speak with the ACTING Manager of Myareyouashoplifter to offer to pay and sort this out and the police officer granted me the opportunity to do this but the ACTING Manager told me I needed to be taught a lesson. Apparently she feared I may be a little brain damaged and not able to fully comprehend the consequences of my actions. Obviously she was going to be looking for a new job as MANAGER somewhere and needed to be able to answer selection criteria in relation to her ability to apprehend thieves. She may also have been tracking my movements for several years.

I had to show up in court. After three months and my legal representatives attempting to have the charges dropped, Myareyouashoplifter are not going to come to the party and drop the charges. The police prosecutor recommended they do but I guess they need to make an example of me. A message to mothers everywhere.

I've been guilty of doing this before. Not intentionally but I've done it. Every mother has. Their children take things unbeknownst to the parents and the parents get home and discover their newly acquired bits and pieces. Do you think they are going to get back in the car with the screaming, tired children and go back to the store and fess up?? No. As if! The bloody corporations destroy our very being anyway by insulting our intelligence with their stupid in-your-face advertising campaigns cleverly designed to extract our hard earned cash and dump it in their cash registers.

Now I have to decide whether to plead guilty (because we have a justice system that rewards that, guilty or not) or plead not guilty and risk a possibly massive fine, court costs and legal costs for Myareyouashoplifter. I want to plead not guilty because I am. Not guilty of intentionally walking out ofa fine store with an item of clothing that had the potential to make or break their monthly profit margin. I'm also tired of it and want it over and done with. I'm sick of it. Plus I can't afford a massive fine. I'm sure Myareyouashoplifter have the finest legal team available to them and will do their very best to bring me down and make me pay. Sigh, if only I'd never gone shopping.